mostly nonfiction and bakersfield news | September 21st, 2009
Hey chingpea, ‘Help Me Make Sex Hotter…’
My husband and I have been married for about 5 years now. I’m tired of the same old thing: missionary, doggy-style, 69, and the scissors routines to the slow jams. It’s not bad, it’s just getting predictable and boring and I don’t want that to lead into a slump.
We’re not the perfect, physically fit kind of couple, but we’re not obese. We’re perfectly happy with our voluptuosity and girth — ha ha ha.
Is there anything you can suggest that can help us break the monotony? We always enjoy your column even though, like many others we know, we rarely leave a comment. It always makes great debatable conversation pieces. I just don’t want to “Google” and find stuff that my stomach wouldn’t be able to handle.
Thanks,
Spice-less Girl
Bakersfield, CA
**************************************
Hi Spice-less Girl,
The best way to break a monotony is to do something out of the ordinary. Be audacious! There are more ways to make love to your partner than those you list in your letter. Have you ever opened a Tantra or Kama Sutra book? If you’re afraid to be spotted in a store with one, check it out online where you can order it. There are so many ideas that come out just by flipping a few pages. Believe me, you won’t be disappointed.
You should also try to get away from the traditional Marvin Gaye background music and try something harder and more refreshing like Tricky. It has a heart-racing and exciting rhythm.
Get away from the boring crap or you’ll end up annoying each other, and that could lead to something worse (watch at your own risk). Try a new look too. Get your eyebrows done at Patel’s Threading in Bakersfield. It’s much better than waxing if you’re looking for a more natural look to excite your man. Feel exotic then spend a night at home, rent the movie Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love (study this -it’s one of my faves), and explore each other.
To Many Adventures,
chingpea
**************************************
HOW TO CONTACT ‘HEY, CHINGPEA’:
FaceBakersfield is a great place, so I thought it might be fun to start a “Hey, chingpea…” column.
Girlfriends, guyfriends, co-workers, and family ocassionally ask for opinions on topics. They don’t always like what I have to say. But often that’s just because they can’t handle honesty. Know what I mean? So why not share my honesty with you. You can take it, right? Think Cosmogirl, Dear Abby….
Questions can be directed to chingpea@facebakersfield.com. Put “Hey, chingpea” in the subject line. Let’s get it started!
********************************************
CHINGPEA is a writer and sports lover who has a special love for classic 1980s 49ers rebroadcasts. She resides in Bakersfield, California and has contributed to the latest Phaze anthology, “39 and Still Holding.” Her advice is sought after by corporate geeks and advice addicts just like you. She’s also provides local commentary at www.twitter.com/chingpea
10 Responses for “Hey chingpea, ‘Help Me Make Sex Hotter…’”
Leave a Reply
I don't know about spicing their life up, but that anti-karma whatever video was really disturbing.
That anti-karma video was hilarious!! Hey, in the end they had a good time and that's all that matters.
Beyond what Chingpea has already suggested… I'd say get out of the house. Change your love making locale. The bedroom is not the only place to be intimate together. Try role playing, dress up, bring "toys" into the mix, after dinner have a surprise dessert of fruit and chocolate that you can eat off each other…etc…
thanks nicole! i thought that video was hilarious too but not a lot of peeps share my humor.
Those Tantra and Kama Sutra books always make me sweat even just to look at them. I guess I'm just bashful. Being out of the ordinary is good advice. When sex becomes routine, it does get boring.
By the way, the "worse" link made me want to throw up. I get my brows threaded at that Patel's place too. Painful at first, but you get used to it and the beauty is absolutely worth it. Maybe I'll run into you, Ms. Chingpea! I love that place too.
After clicking on the "worse" link, I was afraid to click on the movie link. Is it tasteful? I love your advice column, but sometimes you scare me. LoL
why do these topics make you sweat? the best way to defeat shyness is to confront it directly. be the shy girl but when the door closes, be the tantric maiden.
by the way, the was a warning over that "worse" link. Ha ha ha. the movie link is safe. it's a great film with a passionate love story. smiles always… never mean to scare anybody. *wink*
Chingpea..there you go again with the Kama Sutra book advice and what is up with the commercial advertisement (PATEL'S) whatever…hahaha….now for the spiceless girl … if you are tired of the same thing try breaking the routine find yourself another man or try a threesome..
Nick…the guy on the anti-karma video looks alot like you…A star is discover…hahaha
I don't normally allow anonymous people to bag on me. I'll let this one slide because it was actually funny. That is your mom with me in the video BTW.
Daddy…where have you been all my life..BTW…you owe mom child support for all this years..hahahaha
That video is all about me finally paying up.
"I just don’t want to “Google” and find stuff that my stomach wouldn’t be able to handle."
Translation: I'm not sure I'm brave enough to explore my boundaries beyond the meat and potatoes I've grown bored with, because I have hangups about dirty stuff.
Solution: Ask yourself why any sexual kink would be too much for you to stomach. While there are exceptions to the rule, most folks aren't screwing barnyard animals or starring in home-made bukkake videos. For the most part, people are just exploring the edge of their comfort zones and finding they really like some of it. So, Google the heck out of stuff that makes your head spin. Then Google a little deeper.
NOTE: If anyone tells you that hot candle wax stuff is sexy? Slap em in the face.